Abusive Mother

An Abusive Mother is an abusive parent who uses their children to fill an emotional void of their own unmet emotional needs.

Our relationship with our mothers is probably the most important relationship than with any other human being. 

After all, it is our mothers who carried us in the mirco universe of their uterus.  They endured unimaginable pain during child birth, feed us at our demands and nurture us when we were sick.

So important is this relationship between mother and child in the formative years that it has a lifelong influence on who we become; by defining our personalities, influencing our behavior and self esteem.

If we are fortunate, and I would like to think that most of us are, this mother-child relationship is, at most time, an overwhelmingly positive one, right?

Um, well, not always.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case and sadly so many children and adults have had to endure growing up in a dysfunctional family and a painful childhood from being raised by an abusive parent.

The abuse from a mother can cause a child to develop chronic emotional and physical disorders into adulthood.

Children need emotional stability.  They need to be nurtured, feel loved, secured and protected.  Young children need positive approval from their parents; where as adolescents need to feel a sense of independence and a sense of control, as they make the transition from childhood to adulthood.

When mothers are abusive it tends to be emotional or psychological in nature rather than physical.  Using words to inflict pain; pain more damaging that a slap, belt punch or fist.  However, mothers are capable of inflicting other forms of emotional abuse such as physical and sexual child abuse.

The Abusive Mother-Daughter Relationship

The mother-daughter relationship can be difficult and stress to both parties at the best of time and is not always the wonderful relationship society perceives it to be.

Mothers who are abusive towards their daughter are generally more emotional in nature.  The emotional abuse may involve verbal abuse or degrading their daughters with gestures or insults.

The abuse may be subtle, involving unconscious negative dialogue or simply ignoring and using silence as a weapon.  Unfortunately, abusive mothers, in most cases, are simply channeling and transferring their own negative psychological issues unto their daughters.

On an emotional or psychological level, an abusive mother-daughter relationship is very damaging to the daughter as a child and as an adult causing great emotional pain with lasting consequences.  Abused daughters may develop psychological disorders that may manifest as:

  • An inferior complex
  • Low self esteem
  • Misguided sense of self
  • Depression
  • Anxiety disorder

  • Sexual disorders as a way of gaining a misguided sense of emotional love and affection

The Characteristics Of Abusive Mothers

  • Constant criticism
  • Labeling (name calling and insults)
  • Always dominating the conversation
  • The need to have the last word
  • Threats of physical violence
  • Using force as an act of degrading
  • Threats of rejection

  • Threats of abandonment
  • Placing guilt on to the child (emotional blackmail)
  • Incapable of feeling guilt
  • Blaming the child (it’s your fault, if it weren’t for you…)
  • Using rewards and punishment as a tool of manipulation
  • Use gifts as a tool of manipulation
  • Invading privacy
  • Refusing to give privacy appropriate for the child’s age and development
  • Silent treatment (ignoring)
  • Underestimating their child’s talents skills and abilities
  • Refusing to acknowledge any accomplishment such as sport or academic achievements
  • Refusing to apologize

  • ‘You own me’ mentality….I feed you, clothe you, put a roof over your head
  • Say negative things to relatives and friends about the child
  • Embarrass their children
  • Demand unconditional love
  • Demand respect
  • “I’m always right” (and never wrong) mentally
  • Sense of entitlement
  • Treat other siblings or other children kindly to reinforce that you don’t deserve to be loved, treated kindly or respected

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